"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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