You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
