and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
