Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
