So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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