he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
