i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
