Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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