It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I think i got beer on your cat.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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