Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
