How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
