You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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