Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
