I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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