Where did you get a picture of my penis
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
