Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
