also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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