pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
