He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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