matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
