sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
