you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
