Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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