Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
