your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
