so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
