I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
