Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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