Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
