take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
