sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
