Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
