Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
