i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
