I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
