are you still at the devil's house?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
