i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
