Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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