My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You work out of a Hotel?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
