thus making me awesome and them whores
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
