I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
