I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
