cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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