i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
wow bdsm is so cute
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
