who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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