I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
