she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
