I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
