community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
