what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
