YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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