my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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