You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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