It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
