this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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